There is nothing more exasperating in the world of dating than a guy who seems really interested, but then also maybe not but then yes but. It's long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you're standing on shaky ground. The only place where hot and cold behavior is fun is in that Katy Perry song. putting you on the backburner, they might reply, “But we weren't officially dating!.
- Is your date playing games?
- Here’s Why Men Run Hot And Cold
- More From Thought Catalog
Hot and cold behavior dating - These Are the Real Reasons Men Run Hot and Cold:
You're left feeling confused and frustrated. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit. It's utilized because it works. If we don't understand the game of hot and cold, we can find ourselves pulled into a drama of confusion.
Modern dating is tricky. Once we have the ability to see hot and cold for what it is, we're less likely to suffer its negative effects. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games. Follow, and they flee. Because relationship uncertainty makes human beings yearn for stability. Our automatic response is to chase when the "other" pulls away. What was once readily available is suddenly gone, and no matter how hard we try to regain our partner's former affection, it now seems beyond our reach.
No, your partner's not confused. They don't need more time to figure out their emotions. They're not sorting out their last breakup, and they're not swamped at work. Although that may be your hope, it's not the case.
And it's crafted for control. The phases of Hot and Cold: The "hot" phase begins with a bang of overwhelming recognition. Your partner has placed you firmly on their radar. Bathed in newfound attention, flattery and flirtation spark a strong attraction for this person. You quickly find yourself craving more of this delicious new feeling.
This phase lures you into the hopes of the possibility of romance. Contact is reciprocal, time is made to see each other, and forward movement is evident. There's an easy, open connection. The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you'll later be harnessed. Then comes the "cold" phase.
Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention. Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication The switch you feel in this scenario is really just him testing the waters to see if he wants to dive in. Your guy has been playing the hot and cold game. First things first, take an honest look at the relationship and try to figure out the reason for his behavior. It will most likely be due to one of the three reasons listed above.
No matter what the reason, the worst possible thing to do is chase after him. This instinct is activated by fear and will come across as desperate and needy. Just go with it. In this case, stop focusing on the relationship so much and instead focus on yourself and on enjoying your life and bring that positive energy into the relationship.
There is no point in degrading yourself trying to win him over and get him to like you. Instead of seeing this as a loss, see it as a win. I hope this article helped you better understand why men can run hot and cold.
Before you decide what to do next, you need to know about the two defining moments in a relationship that will determine if it lasts or if you get your heart broken. The next thing most women are unaware of is what actually inspires a man to commit for life. This date wants you to chase him or her and it is this game that he or she enjoys immensely. If you know that your date wants you to chase them AND you can begin to separate your emotions from the situation, you will realize that there are two potential reasons for your dates behavior: He or she is sophisticated enough to do this on purpose OR he does not know what he wants.
Date other people and do not chase him or her. If he or she is simply confused or scared your absence will likely invite them to stop playing games and ask you what is going on. This is especially important for women as we tend to fall for these games more often than not.
If you stop pursuing and he comes around, it is okay to confront the behavior. Any sign of defensiveness rather than an apology should give you the data you need to know that this person is not looking for a serious relationship. Once you have that data, you may choose whether to continue to enjoy the game playing or move on.
The Real Truth About Why Some Men Run Hot And Cold