I like the idea of online dating. In theory, it's a great way to get to know someone without judgment, but the judgment still happens eventually. Bummer dating news for some of us: OKCupid has been experimenting on you. A couple of Is there a bit of bait-and-switch going on here?. Dating can be pretty hard, and apps like Tinder were created to make matching up with someone much easier. Of course, if the person you.
Bait and switch online dating - Avoid The Online Dating Bait And Switch
Advertisement You know how you're supposed to get matched up with people you're most compatible with? Supposedly through the magic of math and all those quizzes and questionnaires , they're supposed to be able to align you with your best possible matches. Well, sometimes OKCupid would tell you you're compatible with a "bad match," just to see what you two would do. Bad matches would interact with each other anyway. You wouldn't pick up on the incompatibility right off the bat.
But guess what else? This did not lead to any great romances. People would chat and quickly find out how incompatible they are and move on. OKCupid founder Christian Rudder described the website's experiments in a blog post saying, " that's how websites work. Is there a bit of bait-and-switch going on here? What if you hired a matchmaker who was just randomly drawing names out of a hat? Or worse, deliberately matching you up with men she knew you'd be incompatible with, just to see what would happen?
I guess the one upside here is that at least we know we really can trust ourselves: We do know when we're incompatible with someone, online or in real life. And that makes sense—to some degree. After all, no guy I have ever met indicated his desire to spend an evening with a woman unrelentingly lamenting about her ex, the job she hates, her misbehaved children , her monetary woes, the dismal dating scene, and whatever other stresses keep her awake at night.
I know I would not. Such behavior is a dating faux pas and a surefire indicator of a short-lived romance. Women thus become unavoidably conditioned and made fearful if they deviate from the scripted program they will not receive the reward they seek, whether a long-term relationship or a guilty night of pleasure. But does being authentic necessarily mean being difficult? All too often women, confusing the two, deflect. We invite our romantic interest to share with us and open up. Details may vary from his life to ours, but the emotions he feels are intimately familiar to us nonetheless.
And all the while we continue to smile, laugh, crack jokes, flip our hair, and look our best , offering respite and a momentary distraction from the realities that burden and plague the man on which we dote.
We humanize him, all the while dehumanizing ourselves. And so we coast, continuing to play it cool. Waiting for any sign the cards we hold close to our chest, the depth and capacity for love we suppress just below the surface, could one day be reciprocated.
Dates become more regular; texts , emails, and phone conversations more frequent. What we experience looks like a relationship, but does not yet feel quite right. There is still a disconnection, an intimacy that is missing. Until the moment finally arrives, the turning point when we expose ourselves and reveal we have vulnerabilities and emotional needs, too. We hold our breath until that burning question is answered: Will our relationship grow?
Bait And Switch: When Dating Becomes A Relationship :
Or worse, deliberately matching you up with men she knew you'd be incompatible with, just to see what would happen? Skype or video chat is strongly recommended during the escalation process that might lead to an actual date. Is there a bit of bait-and-switch going on here?